Gethsemane

On the eve of Jesus' crucifixion, He went to the garden to pray.

"Gethsemane" literally means, "Oil Press."

It is no irony that I find myself here in this place.

I had an amazing day, and all of a sudden, the pressure set in. I have started to panic.

I began to imagine, if I were to die tomorrow, what would I leave undone? What would I leave unsaid? I'm probably not going to die tomorrow, but I can't tell the future. Who knows?

Jesus did. He knew what He was about to face. He knew all of the things He was about to leave behind. He had clarity of thought about what He had accomplished, because He did everything RIGHT.

And still, he panicked. The thought of the sinless becoming the sin, I believe, would be enough to make anyone panic.

I began to think, as I lay in bed tonight, of all of the things I wish I had said. All of the things I wish I had done. My life is still ahead of me. . . but is it?

So I vow to leave nothing undone, no shred of regret in my life. When I pass on, I refuse to look at my life and say, "I wish I would have. . ." but instead, I want to hear those words: "Well done, good and faithful servant." I want to be able to shout, like Jesus did; "IT IS FINISHED!"

And so I shall start, in no particular order. If I were to die tonight, these are the things that are rattling around in my head, that I want you to know.

Anna: What can I say but, I love you? I am so very grateful to God that He has allowed you in my life. You're still my hero. I can only hope to live up to a mere shadow of the reward that awaits you in heaven.

Jeanette: You really are my Prodigy. I see so much potential in you. I want you to be the leader I can look at and say: "I knew her when."

Abriel: My little sis. I hope that you grow into what I know God has in store for you. Please don't let your life be ruled by the fear of "what if's" but rather let it be ruled by the strength of "Why nots?"

Emily: I don't know why we go through these seasons and cycles. I pray that God heals you in the way I know only He can.

Amber: I've said this before, and I'll say it again. . . you have been that healing ointment that God talks about. Thank you for dressing my wounds.

April: Thank you for the peace of mind. That is worth SO much more than I can afford.

Chris: I don't even know where to start, except I can see how God has somehow turned you into an amazing man apart from Me. For that alone, I would believe in Him.

Nick: I love you so much. I wish we were closer. I'm sorry I missed out on so much of your life. Please know, it wasn't because I didn't love you.

Mom and Dad: I'm sorry things never seemed to work out.

The rest of my Family: I wish I knew how to tell you who I really was. The pressure of being the oldest kid was hard sometimes, but somehow I think it has made me better.

Shannon: I can't say anything but I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to say more.

Karen: I wish we lived closer. You have a beautiful soul, and it is worth so much more than I sometimes feel like you let yourself believe.

Megan: My newest best friend. How could I not say I love you? Thank you for being safe. Thank you for being me.

Jessie Pinder: I love you. You're beautiful and worthy of Love.

Jessica Ferrari: I just love to hug you. I know we're kindred spirits… I just don't know how.

Randall and Arinee: Thanks so much for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. I owe a lot of my confidence to you.

My Wednesday night Girls: Your prayers and your support have been instrumental in my life. I love you!

Proskyneo: Thank you for being my muse. I've never felt so good to be an artist before.

Gina Woods: Thank you for making this mediocre high school grad feel like I have a Doctorate.

Laura Kroner: I think you may be the closest thing I have as a role model or mentor. I'm so happy for that.

Elena: Forever Friends. What more can I say? I'm sorry I had to hurt you to love you better. Thank you for saying "no."

CK: I miss you much. You still inspire me to be better than I was. I'm grateful for the year we had together. Roomies forever!

World Race "O"mega Squad: I haven't met you yet, and already, I feel so challenged, inspired, loved, and appreciated by you. I am scared out of my mind for next year, but I'm glad that I'll have you all to experience that with. Thank you for everything that I don't even know about yet.

Jesus: Oh my Lord. You have given me all of these people, and so many more. I love and cherish these friendships, and I pray that the truth I have spoken here on the internet lets others know how amazing these people are and how they have been so instrumental in bringing me to where I am today. I'm sorry for the times I've hurt them, and I'm so grateful for the times I've been able to love them. Please, let me remember these people when I'm gone next year, and let them remember me in prayer. I'm going to miss them all so much that it hurts. The reality is setting in, and I'm terrified… but I know that you have not given me a spirit of fear, so let me be strong in you Lord.

Amen.