Some Random Thoughts

(do you think this is appropriate since I have called myself RandomK?)

I just got home from a friends house, where me and my roommate had been invited over to chill before we left for Bolivia. We talked about sTREETsLEEPERs, and I expressed my discouragement. But as soon as we were done talking about it, my friend Karen from Delaware texted me a picture of her wearing her sTREETsLEEPERs shirt. I took that as confirmation. My friend told me that I thought too much into things like that. I decided that I didn't want to believe that.
We painted at his house. My roommate made an amazing painting of some trees in front of a gorgeous sky. I tried to make a painting of an angel and a demon. So typical of me.
I wonder if she knows how jealous I am of her painting? It's way nicer than mine. But I guess that's because I didn't have a plan.
I decided to give the painting to Lider, my Godson in Bolivia... because I don't know what else to give him.
We left our friend's house, and I said goodbye to him for 6 weeks. I don't know this guy as well as I'd like, only cause we just met. He's very nice and has introduced me to some amazing people. So times like this, I don't like leaving for long periods of time.. because I would almost rather stay to get to know them better. I guess I feel like I'm going to miss something while I'm gone. I think Adam might appreciate this feeling, seeing as how he's an ISFJ. Maybe I'm wrong.
So we drove home at 10:53pm. My roommate asked me what time it was and I guessed. (But it was an educated guess.)
I complained to her about how, during the summer months, it gets so hot during the day, that even when it gets dark, the heat still lingers. I wore jeans tonight, and regretted it.
I can't wait until I'm in Bolivia, because the low is 33. Awesome.
The Fray came on the radio, with their new song, "Never say never." The chorus made me cry.
Then I thought of an idea for a poem. Some of it would go like this:
Wash my eyes with tears so I may see more clearly
Scream my name so that I may hear your voice loudly
Break my heart, so that I can feel so deeply. . .
That's all I can think of for now. I hope I can get back to it.
When we pulled into the driveway, I noticed how tall the grass was, and it amazed me and angered me. It's amazing how quickly the grass grows after so little rain, but in the morning I will have to mow it when it is hot. I hate the heat.
I took out the garbage, and thought again to myself, "I always take out the garbage." But I chose to not resent that.
Relieved at how cold the house was, I was a little annoyed that the air was running. It is always running. I hope it doesn't break while I'm gone.
I hate not being able to take care of people I love. So when something goes wrong, I get upset for them, probably more than they do. They seem to always get over it before I do. I don't think people realize I put so much thought into my actions.
I get stuck, with that wanting to take care of people, and the annoyed, "why am I always doing everything, and they never notice?" Feeling. I think it has to do with the way I was raised. My parents made me do so much housework, and when I did, they never noticed. They just always made me do more. They were never happy with me.
There is a helicopter circling around my house, it is so loud that it drowns out Conan O'Brien's Late Show. Which annoys me, but doesn't bother me, because i'm not really paying attention to Conan anyway.
There is a jail 10 minutes walking distance away from my house, so when I hear helicopters like this, I wonder if someone escaped the jail, and very well may be hiding in my back yard.
I wonder, if they were to break into the house, would I have the courage to protect my roommates? To the point of death? I secretly hope that I do. I pray that God doesn't let criminals break into my house so that people will never find out how much of a coward I really am.
And one of my roommates is moving out in July (I think, if I get the confirmation from the girl who said she wants to move in.) I don't know if my roommate realizes how much I will miss her.. or how much I'm ignoring those feelings.
I don't even want to think about the other roommate moving out. That will happen in August.
I really do hope the other girl moves in, because she seems so very nice, and I'd really like to get to know her better.. and I hope Karen moves in too. But I can't afford to get my hopes up, because I get disappointed easily.
Willow is sitting with me on the couch. Earlier, she put her head on my knee. Do you think it is strange if I say that I think animals can somehow be a vessel of God's love? Because I feel alone. But I feel loved. It is kinda like God put his hand on my knee, and said, "I may be silent, but I'm here and I love you."
Sometimes that is so hard for me to swallow. I just wish God would talk to me more.
The strangest thing, is that just as I wrote that, the dog, who has been sleeping, woke up and put her head on my knee again.
I take that as another confirmation that what I was thinking was correct. My friend my not think so, but I try to find God in the little things, because I have a hard time seeing him in the Big things.
Gavin Rothsdale (Is that his name?) is performing on Conan now. It is quite possible the worst song/performance/noise I have ever heard.
I guess I should take that as a confirmation to turn the tv off and go to bed. I do have my alarm set for 6:45 am tomorrow.
Is this random enough for you?