Wounds

I just don't know what else to do.
The hardest part about being hurt, is healing. Being hurt only takes a moment. It's the healing that takes forever.
Unfortunately, if you're living with a wound that keeps getting re-injured, it never truly heals correctly. The pain continues.
If the wound isn't treated properly, then when it finally does heal, there is usually scar tissue that causes pain because it's not supposed to be there. Eventually the body becomes so used to the pain, that it figures the pain is normal, and so the body stops trying to heal itself.
To heal a wound like that, it usually requires more drastic measures.
When I was younger, I had planter fasciitis (a rip in the tendon in the bottom of my foot)and lived with constant pain. Eventually I went to the doctor, and they used different methods to treat me.
First they used cortisone shots. Those were painful.
Then Physical Therapy... which is also painful.
When none of that worked, they recommended an experimental procedure that used high energy sound waves to cause MORE rips in the tendons and muscle.. in hopes that the damage would kick the body's immune system into healing itself again. (yup. Very painful.)
If that didn't work, they would do surgery.. which you guessed it, would lead to more pain. (at least I think so. I couldn't imagine someone cutting me open and sewing me back up NOT being a little uncomfortable.)
The experimental procedure worked, thank God. I knew a friend who had the same thing I did, and she had surgery.. and it took her FOREVER to be pain free.
I guess.. the point in all of this is to try to describe what I'm feeling, or going through.
I think that our emotions, our heart, are like that sometimes. Sometimes we are so hurt, that we get used to the pain, and when we are faced with it being taken away, we freak out because this is all we have ever known.
I'm so torn, between wanting to get better. But I don't know what it would be like to live without that pain.. and the worst part is, I know that it has to get worse before I get better. I've been doing so well..surviving. But am I called to more? Am I called to be healed?
Or must I live with this thorn in my spirit? Which sometimes I think is so much more painful than a thorn in my flesh.
Is God willing to heal me? I guess more importantly, do I want to be healed?
I say I do, but I don't know what that entails. I don't know what I have to do to get "better." Is death going to be the only true healing for me? When I am made whole with my Jesus?
I know I'm not alone. I know there are so many people out there in pain, and they choose to hide it instead of face it. They lie to themselves, but they can't lie to God. Messy stitches on gaping wounds will only have to be ripped apart to be fixed again. I know I'm not alone. But I feel so lonely. Would we feel less lonely if we chose to bear one another's burdens as we are called to do? Why do we have to put band aids on our pain and pretend "it's just a scratch" when it needs serious attention?
How long will we bleed until someone notices?
How long will I?